Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
