the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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