I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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