she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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