I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
