My Higher Power is John Stamos
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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