it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
