Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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