I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dignity is for republicans.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
