Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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