...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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