im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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