i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
