i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize