If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
