I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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