I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
