So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
