i don't like sucking hair
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
