Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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