Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
