I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
