I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
