his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
