I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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