Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
