Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
