I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
