Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
