i permit you to call me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
