So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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