What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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