i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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