She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
