If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
