I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
