your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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