Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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