Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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