After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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