i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh god it's open bar.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize