its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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