If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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