she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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