it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
