It was confusing and full of hummus
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
