; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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