if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if only i could text you this smell
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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