just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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