can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
