My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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