So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
