I want to walk on stilts...naked
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
