So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
