ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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