how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
