I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
