So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
