I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
