The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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