Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She said her name was "party"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
