I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
