Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
