i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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