I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
