we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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