she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
