my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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