Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
