Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
