Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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